in a state of oblivion

I just finished reading a novel that was passed onto me. To be completely honest, I hesitated reading this book, for it is classified in a genre to which I am usually very cynical....Christian Fiction. However, I pushed my preconceived criticisms aside, and began reading, with little to no expectation of change, fulfillment, or enjoyment.
Although I don't want to say this, the book actually made me think. There were points in which I was overwhelmed by my confusion, my own realization as to how I view God, and how little I know. The book, surprisingly, left me shameful and hopeful at the same time.
It was almost eerie as to how the main character's life, spiritual and emotional, mirrored mine.
It left me with many questions; questions to which I want to gain a greater understanding, not necessarily an answer.
I want to be stripped of the facade that I have been using to define my life. I want to be completely and wholly His. I no longer want to focus on my past, relating and blaming everything in the present for what has previously happened....I want to be able to forgive, truly forgive, from the very essence of my being. I want to stop looking to the future and imagining my life. As the book stated, our imaginative futures rarely ever include God...it kind of pushes Him out of the picture, and shows how we, ourselves, would control our lives if we had the ability. I want to dwell in the present, in the presence of Three in One.
It's always humorous to me how and what God uses to draw you near to Him; I would never have thought that a Christian fiction novel would be able to do that for me.
God is holy and wholly good.
I'm trying desperately to have faith like a child.....It's amazing to me how much I am learning from children, how to love unconditionally and to trust.
.................some of my many teachers: